Thomas Wentworth Higginson once wrote, “How many lessons of faith and beauty we should lose, if there were no winter in our year.” I came across this notation written upon one of the blank pages of my small black Bible. The Bible I used my first Sunday in the pulpit as a novice pastor. The Bible I carried to weddings, hospitals, and gravesides. The Bible with underlines and notations throughout marking signs along my journey.
And what a journey it is. The past year has had challenges I couldn’t have planned for if I tried.
A denomination which I have called home all of my life being torn at the seams because of differences of opinions and experiences of what love looks like.
A pastoral appointment that, on good days, was the living embodiment of the beautifully diverse tapestry known as the Body of Christ, and on its not so good days, the living embodiment of what the back of the tapestry looks like with chaotic strings going this way and that.
A year when I lost two amazing women in my life who helped form who I am – my mother who passed suddenly at my side four months ago– and my friend of 40 years who died at home alone this past summer, only a few days after our last phone conversation.
The past 12 months have felt like a winter of the soul where the occasional warm day was celebrated, and where the bare trees and cold fields seemingly yielded nothing new. And yet this morning, amidst the frigid temperature in the air, the ground sparkled with the frozen dew of something new about to emerge.
Today I leave on a brief vacation away with my oldest son. It is the first trip we have taken – just the two of us – since he was a toddler. Dare I say, that was almost 40 years ago. It is SON time – time with my son, time in the sun where temperatures are at least 40 degrees higher, and time leaning into the Son. The last encounter is one I have relied upon to get me through this winter of my soul, and the one who is giving me hope and a promise of a divine plan in motion.
Opening my Bible for morning devotions today, I found two of the blank pages at the back were pressed together. Carefully opening the thin pages, I discovered Higgenson’s quote and realized how loudly it resounded in my spirit.
In John 16:33b, Jesus said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
Overcome. For light overcomes the darkness. Warmth overcomes the cold. Joy overcomes the sadness. Unity of spirit can overcome divisions of this world. Take heart because Jesus has “come over” to our reality – no matter what it looks like or feels like – and “overcomes” it to bring us a peace the world cannot give.
My journey continues – in faith, in hope, and in trust for tomorrow. As for the photo I posted today, that was one my oldest son took so I thought is was appropriate. So for today, my journey will begin on a plane on my way to a new adventure as God turns the page once more to show me what he has known all along and I am newly discovering.